Cat Gives Owner a Back Massage

I want a cat now! How can I get a massaging cat like this one? No scratch that, how can I get a whole litter of massage cats? And what do you need to do to get a happy ending from these cats- give ’em a tip of catnip? Can this cat be combined with some sort of laser skin treatment for the ultimate 2 in 1 therapy? And what’s the opposite of a LOLcat? A seriouscat? A yeahcat?